Facebook and other apps start up automatically and access my contacts and other information. How do I stop this or chang the permisions?
You cannot completely remove the SNS services without rooting unfortunately.
Root the phone, install something like LBE security. There is a section that allows you to block internet access to any app.
If an app doesn't require internet (like some games), block them. It also has the side benefit that if an app doesn't require internet access, of blocking the ads that some apps display.
Once you've rooted it's easier to just nuke the app.
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