I hate my Fire phone with the intensity of a thousand suns!

So, my two year contract was up on my iPhone 4S a couple of months ago, and I decided to try out the Fire phone. I had a Kindle Fire, which worked fine for all I used it for (as an e-reader and to occasionally surf the internet), and I like shopping at Amazon generally, so I figured it might be a cool change from the iphone. I was horribly, horribly wrong. The music App stinks--half the time it won't download music that I bought from Amazon. The email only updates intermittently, and the phone occasionally decides to restart for no reason, which is a problem if you use your phone as an alarm clock, as I do.  Just to name a few problems.

I know that now Amazon has dropped the price of the phone to 99 cents. Unfortunately, I got my phone before that. I wasn't able to return the phone before the 14 days were up, because I work at a remote location in Prudhoe Bay, Alaska, for two weeks out of every month. What can I do to unburden myself of this colossal failure, and get a new phone?