Check charging cover pop-up

I started getting the "Check charging cover" message after the Android 4.4 update.  I also get the "Check battery cover" message randomly.  This is extremely annoying.  

You can find reports of it on all of the Android forums, as well as the forums of wireless carriers on every continent.  It is so widely reported that it is inconceivable that all of the carriers, and especially Samsung, are not aware of it.

None of the obvious suggestions have any effect on this bug at all.  I have carefully detached and reattached the back cover, factory reset the phone, I don't have an SD card, trying it in safe mode is not an acceptable solution, removed the battery for 30 minutes.

If you feed me any line of bologna like, "It's your SD card", or, "try it in safe mode", I will straight cancel my account with you and go to some other carrier.