ENOUGH WHINNY CUSTOMERS
I am an AT&T employee and this message is part of AT&T’s New Corporate Policy to initiate on January 1, 2018 and part of our new honesty campaign.
Stop the whining and complaining! You people are all the most ungrateful and unappreciative people! When I was growing up, we didn’t even have cell phones. Of course, 911 and CPR didn’t exist either. However, you all need to keep in mind that we did not come to you. We did not come knocking on your door! You came to us. Sure, we may have lied to and deceived you along the way. But hey, business is business, right? Well, good news: those days are soon to end!
Let me start off by saying that you definitely came to the right place to whine and complain about us robing you - or at least that is what we here at AT&T have always been trained to make you think. Here at this chat forum, we have over 2,000 full-time AT&T associates who serve as "Marketing Specialist" trained to make you, our customers, continue believing that we actually care about things like customer service and conducting business in an ethical manner. However, I am proud to announce that we now have the world’s most talented and impressive team of professional liars who work full time to allow AT&T to continue robing you of your hard earned income for which you all work so diligently. That is what we here at AT&T do best and as we move into a new year, we are soon to make that very clear.
Having served as AT&T’s Marketing Director since 1999, I will tell you a little secret that is soon to be revealed as our new public policy.
We realized that most people have already figured it out anyway so starting January, AT&T will no longer pretend to concern itself with customer service.
Yes, you heard correctly! We here at AT&T do not care about our customers. Is this really a surprise to any of you? How stupid are you all? My staff is trained to pretend to care. But I assure you with the upmost confidence that we do not care at all! You are nothing but dollar figures to us. My recommendation is for you all to just stop your whining and accept reality.
Remember that although we work for AT&T, we too are customers - though I admit that we do not receive the fraudulent overcharges you all do. In fact, I personally don’t even have service with AT&T. I use Verizon. It’s time to just accept the fact that AT&T cares about nothing but maximizing profit and we are educated and trained to do anything and everything we can to reach that goal - whether it’s right or wrong, legal or illegal.
As a customer, it’s time for you to understand and accept that AT&T is invincible and we stand above and superior to all laws and ethics. That is to say, we at AT&T do whatever we want, whenever we want and you are powerless to stop us! And if you don’t like it, there’s nothing you can do about it! It’s not like you can sue us? You all waved that right down the drain when you signed up along with the rest of your consumer rights. This is all stated very clearly in the AT&T Wireless Customer Agreement, though we understand that most of you never read it. That’s not our fault though. It’s time for AT&T customers to stop your complaining and whining about our illegitimate overcharges and start respecting and appreciating all the money that AT&T robs you of and the poor and crappy service we so graciously give you!
I am excited and proud to announce that 2018 will mark a new era in the history of AT&T as we publicly reveal our new corporate policy. Go ahead and add to the endless complaints that have already been submitted to the Federal Trade Commission but I assure you that they don’t care anymore than we do!
Thank you for choosing AT&T. We here at AT&T love to rob hard working people like you of your hard earned income. That’s what we do best. And we are proud of it.